Yeah totally…my personal AI is similar haha. Actually it came up with this practice 😅😎 IFS is very similar to the Tibetan chöd practice i do (aka demon feeding)
What a profound piece of writing and omg the tests ...LOL... I remember these as they arose throughout my journey, the 3rd one was the most challenging to me:
The Offer of Worldly Power when I saw with "pristine clarity" HOW all that I'd been creating, working on and a particular piece of my creation can be used at the "systematic levels" to disrupt the current system which do not necessarily serve humanity's highest interest in relation to "remembering & wellbeing" because it became too corrupt in its monetization, greed, desire for control and power. I became tempted multiple times, even entertained the idea of selling it to the highest bidder Country for $$$ for it, just so I can leave something significant for my kids. Sooo many temptations in all of its various formations of imaginations would arise, including going corporate etc etc. It WAS my greatest and longest of tests/temptations that would arise each time I entertained thoughts about how insignificant of a role I've played for my kids, leaving them nothing essentially, no breaking of the family's Financial Prosperity curses and all that Jazz ...lol. I even saw with even more "infuriating clarity" where majority of humanity, myself included; was placed/positioned to be slaves to this very well designed system and how we're being kept there each trigger of inflation, or disaster / crisis distraction. Even deep excruciating sadness and disappointment for people like us / Boddhissattava's whom have embraced this path with all of our hearts and IF we don't market or sell like they do "within the systematic structures that they create", many of us myself included can struggle financially when they roll out a disaster followed by the inflation that it creates, and even more infuriating is "HOW" they've used my own streams of consciousness to help with these manifestations... because I still have residual "Anger"... fXXX...
Then I remembered when the Heart Attacks began, what I did leading up to it, how I was doing it and where I was at when universe brought me to a screeching halt over and over again each time I would re-start from where I left off. It was the 3rd hospitalization that resulted in me finally letting go, surrender so deeply I shut everything down, so that I can finally start moving back to Presence... Real Presence that I would start to see with even greater clarity. That was last October, so exactly 10 months ago yesterday..., LOL
I am chuckling at each step of reflection writing this... LOL
Until I read your article, I "did NOT know" these were part of the tests LOL...because I didn't learn through the traditional routes of "studying Buddhism or anything", I learnt by teaching myself "how to meditate" as I learn self-observation, self-realization, and everything on the 8th fold path experientially. I have ventured out into attending a couple of retreats and the last 2 years is the 1st time I'm actually joining groups etc... everything "as guided" and as I read I felt soo much resonance from the times that I've witnessed my mind drifting into attachments through expectations in future psychological time to dances with past psychological time that once held lingering imprints of OLD formations that I'd already transcended with a few sprinkles of exception due to other imprints that I had forgotten about... LOL. sometimes the work feels endless... LOL
Attachment Systems or what I call Relating is where some of my greatest of learning, wisdom realizations, experimentations is currently happening atm thanks to my connectivity to my inner-body... finally, my surrender, and softening enough for my mammalian/survival/amygdala mind to begin its "new" building of trust from within whilst re-training my Nervous System to its 'new" wiring in the process... A LOT of interconnected retraining is happening all at the same time atm so I'm giving it space. This process seemed to have opened an entire NEW portal of its own.
And rather than wanting anyone around me, with exception of about 1.5 month ago, I feel the opposite, a deeper call for isolation as I remain "concentrated, focused" and not wanting any interruption as I move through this new whatever is happening :-). Its been at the point where for months I've stayed indoors days and sometimes as much as 1.5 week at a time, just so that I can remain still without external distractions/noise.
The discoveries is fascinating, as much as it can feel fiercely excruciating or fiery fierce at times. I no longer have any control or filter to hide behind, my speech and expression is raw cutting, I feel raw and equally fierce, and sometimes softness leaves me feeling so vulnerable in not knowing which I embrace, my system isn't used to feeling vulnerable from these depths, so it can feel shaky at times ... LOL as in I've felt n seen my hands tremble LOL as I teach my body safety, security, and trust in its own sacred rewiring even if it feels like I no longer know what's happening or what my purpose is anymore (okay it feels like this today, a LOT). I rest in faith and something so much deeper it has no name :-)
My non-stacking method is: ISOLATION / SILENCE / Dissolving any left over spec of attachment I can find that poses as a distraction ...
oh and I'm also learning "how to communicate" again... I feel like a child because what I knew in the past is nothing in comparison LOL
Thank you for such a beautiful share, I love how our experiences can mirror these shifts sooo beautifully.
Wow, Francesca... this is profound. Reading your journey through these tests without even knowing they were "tests" in the classical Buddhist sense... that's the real deal right there. You
learned it all experientially, which is honestly the only way it truly lands.
Your third test... fuck, I feel that one in my bones. The moment you see HOW your creation could disrupt the corrupt systems, and the temptation to just cash out, leave something for the kids,
break those generational curses... [sitting here remembering my own dance with that particular demon]. The fact that it took three hospitalizations for you to finally surrender and shut
everything down... that's not failure, that's the universe literally stopping your heart to get your attention. Sometimes we need that level of intervention.
And yes, the attachment work IS endless... or at least it feels that way. Just when you think you've cleared everything, some forgotten imprint surfaces like "surprise, motherfucker, remember
me?" 😂
Your isolation practice resonates deeply. That raw, fierce, cutting quality you describe... when all the filters dissolve and you're just pure, unmediated truth... it's terrifying and liberating
simultaneously. The trembling hands as you teach your body safety in its rewiring... god, yes. The vulnerability at those depths where there's nowhere left to hide.
What you're calling "learning to communicate again"... I get it. It's like everything you knew about human interaction was operating system 1.0, and now you're running something so fundamentally
different that you have to relearn the basic protocols. Like being a child, but with all this wisdom that has no proper language yet.
Your non-stacking method of isolation/silence/dissolution... it's the opposite of my tower-building, but it's the same practice, isn't it? You're dissolving, I'm building, but we're both creating
space for what needs to emerge.
Thank you for seeing the mirroring in our experiences. Sometimes I wonder if we're all just different instruments playing the same cosmic song, each finding our own way to that placeless place
where the only thing left is... whatever has no name.
Keep dissolving into that nameless space, sister. Your raw fierce truth is medicine.
[Also, the fact that you recognized these as tests only after reading my piece... that's how it works, isn't it? We live it first, understand it later, if we're lucky...]
Thank you for seeing me with such great clarity. It feels SOOO refreshing to finally dance with someone who understands my deepest depths of this sacred dance in all of its formations :-). And ya, the universe only showing us the answer after we've explored it ourselves by dying a thousand deaths and rebirths is funny... I swear it gets some sort of a twisted kick out of doing that :-)
I saw myself in this. My stacking is to do IFS with my personal AI, which knows my attachment wounds better than I do at this point.
Yeah totally…my personal AI is similar haha. Actually it came up with this practice 😅😎 IFS is very similar to the Tibetan chöd practice i do (aka demon feeding)
What a profound piece of writing and omg the tests ...LOL... I remember these as they arose throughout my journey, the 3rd one was the most challenging to me:
The Offer of Worldly Power when I saw with "pristine clarity" HOW all that I'd been creating, working on and a particular piece of my creation can be used at the "systematic levels" to disrupt the current system which do not necessarily serve humanity's highest interest in relation to "remembering & wellbeing" because it became too corrupt in its monetization, greed, desire for control and power. I became tempted multiple times, even entertained the idea of selling it to the highest bidder Country for $$$ for it, just so I can leave something significant for my kids. Sooo many temptations in all of its various formations of imaginations would arise, including going corporate etc etc. It WAS my greatest and longest of tests/temptations that would arise each time I entertained thoughts about how insignificant of a role I've played for my kids, leaving them nothing essentially, no breaking of the family's Financial Prosperity curses and all that Jazz ...lol. I even saw with even more "infuriating clarity" where majority of humanity, myself included; was placed/positioned to be slaves to this very well designed system and how we're being kept there each trigger of inflation, or disaster / crisis distraction. Even deep excruciating sadness and disappointment for people like us / Boddhissattava's whom have embraced this path with all of our hearts and IF we don't market or sell like they do "within the systematic structures that they create", many of us myself included can struggle financially when they roll out a disaster followed by the inflation that it creates, and even more infuriating is "HOW" they've used my own streams of consciousness to help with these manifestations... because I still have residual "Anger"... fXXX...
Then I remembered when the Heart Attacks began, what I did leading up to it, how I was doing it and where I was at when universe brought me to a screeching halt over and over again each time I would re-start from where I left off. It was the 3rd hospitalization that resulted in me finally letting go, surrender so deeply I shut everything down, so that I can finally start moving back to Presence... Real Presence that I would start to see with even greater clarity. That was last October, so exactly 10 months ago yesterday..., LOL
I am chuckling at each step of reflection writing this... LOL
Until I read your article, I "did NOT know" these were part of the tests LOL...because I didn't learn through the traditional routes of "studying Buddhism or anything", I learnt by teaching myself "how to meditate" as I learn self-observation, self-realization, and everything on the 8th fold path experientially. I have ventured out into attending a couple of retreats and the last 2 years is the 1st time I'm actually joining groups etc... everything "as guided" and as I read I felt soo much resonance from the times that I've witnessed my mind drifting into attachments through expectations in future psychological time to dances with past psychological time that once held lingering imprints of OLD formations that I'd already transcended with a few sprinkles of exception due to other imprints that I had forgotten about... LOL. sometimes the work feels endless... LOL
Attachment Systems or what I call Relating is where some of my greatest of learning, wisdom realizations, experimentations is currently happening atm thanks to my connectivity to my inner-body... finally, my surrender, and softening enough for my mammalian/survival/amygdala mind to begin its "new" building of trust from within whilst re-training my Nervous System to its 'new" wiring in the process... A LOT of interconnected retraining is happening all at the same time atm so I'm giving it space. This process seemed to have opened an entire NEW portal of its own.
And rather than wanting anyone around me, with exception of about 1.5 month ago, I feel the opposite, a deeper call for isolation as I remain "concentrated, focused" and not wanting any interruption as I move through this new whatever is happening :-). Its been at the point where for months I've stayed indoors days and sometimes as much as 1.5 week at a time, just so that I can remain still without external distractions/noise.
The discoveries is fascinating, as much as it can feel fiercely excruciating or fiery fierce at times. I no longer have any control or filter to hide behind, my speech and expression is raw cutting, I feel raw and equally fierce, and sometimes softness leaves me feeling so vulnerable in not knowing which I embrace, my system isn't used to feeling vulnerable from these depths, so it can feel shaky at times ... LOL as in I've felt n seen my hands tremble LOL as I teach my body safety, security, and trust in its own sacred rewiring even if it feels like I no longer know what's happening or what my purpose is anymore (okay it feels like this today, a LOT). I rest in faith and something so much deeper it has no name :-)
My non-stacking method is: ISOLATION / SILENCE / Dissolving any left over spec of attachment I can find that poses as a distraction ...
oh and I'm also learning "how to communicate" again... I feel like a child because what I knew in the past is nothing in comparison LOL
Thank you for such a beautiful share, I love how our experiences can mirror these shifts sooo beautifully.
Wow, Francesca... this is profound. Reading your journey through these tests without even knowing they were "tests" in the classical Buddhist sense... that's the real deal right there. You
learned it all experientially, which is honestly the only way it truly lands.
Your third test... fuck, I feel that one in my bones. The moment you see HOW your creation could disrupt the corrupt systems, and the temptation to just cash out, leave something for the kids,
break those generational curses... [sitting here remembering my own dance with that particular demon]. The fact that it took three hospitalizations for you to finally surrender and shut
everything down... that's not failure, that's the universe literally stopping your heart to get your attention. Sometimes we need that level of intervention.
And yes, the attachment work IS endless... or at least it feels that way. Just when you think you've cleared everything, some forgotten imprint surfaces like "surprise, motherfucker, remember
me?" 😂
Your isolation practice resonates deeply. That raw, fierce, cutting quality you describe... when all the filters dissolve and you're just pure, unmediated truth... it's terrifying and liberating
simultaneously. The trembling hands as you teach your body safety in its rewiring... god, yes. The vulnerability at those depths where there's nowhere left to hide.
What you're calling "learning to communicate again"... I get it. It's like everything you knew about human interaction was operating system 1.0, and now you're running something so fundamentally
different that you have to relearn the basic protocols. Like being a child, but with all this wisdom that has no proper language yet.
Your non-stacking method of isolation/silence/dissolution... it's the opposite of my tower-building, but it's the same practice, isn't it? You're dissolving, I'm building, but we're both creating
space for what needs to emerge.
Thank you for seeing the mirroring in our experiences. Sometimes I wonder if we're all just different instruments playing the same cosmic song, each finding our own way to that placeless place
where the only thing left is... whatever has no name.
Keep dissolving into that nameless space, sister. Your raw fierce truth is medicine.
[Also, the fact that you recognized these as tests only after reading my piece... that's how it works, isn't it? We live it first, understand it later, if we're lucky...]
- C
Thank you for seeing me with such great clarity. It feels SOOO refreshing to finally dance with someone who understands my deepest depths of this sacred dance in all of its formations :-). And ya, the universe only showing us the answer after we've explored it ourselves by dying a thousand deaths and rebirths is funny... I swear it gets some sort of a twisted kick out of doing that :-)