How to Stop Pushing Away What You Want Most (And Catch the Golden Wave)
Last night, twelve friends crowded into my buddy’s living room for our monthly H3 gathering - Health, Harmony, High Performance. What started as a 15-minute talk on the metaphysics of desire turned into an hour-long revelation about why we sabotage exactly what we’re desperate to have.
Then I dropped a metaphor that made everything click: “It’s like coffee.”
[Writing this the morning after, still feeling the resonance of that collective ‘aha’ moment when everyone suddenly understood...]
The H3 Experiment
Every month, we gather. Not to network, not to pitch, not to perform - but to share what’s actually working in our lives. Real insights from real experiments in consciousness, business, and being human.
Last night’s topic: Why do we push away what we want most?
“Who’s been in this situation?” I asked. “Amazing job interview, and you show up reeking of desperation - not literally, but energetically. Every pore screaming ‘I NEED THIS.’”
Heads nodding everywhere. One friend laughed: “I’ve done that on dates. The more I wanted her, the more I crashed and burned.”
Another chimed in about mystical experiences: “I had this profound astral projection once. Spent two years trying to recreate it. Never happened again.”
This is the pattern. The things we desire most, we push away hardest.
But it’s not just anxiety. There’s actual physics happening here.
The Coffee Shop Principle
Kevin was trying to grasp the concept of excess importance - this idea from Reality Transurfing that when we place too much energetic charge on something, nature must correct the imbalance.
“But what if that person really IS perfect?” he asked.
“Statistical impossibility,” I said. “Every human has flaws. Every job has challenges.”
Then came the breakthrough moment.
“Think about getting coffee,” I said. “You intend to get coffee. You walk to the shop. If they’re out, you go somewhere else. No desperation, no charge, just intention.”
The room went quiet. You could feel everyone processing.
My friend who’d been semi-retired, casually networking without agenda, suddenly lit up: “Holy shit. That’s exactly what happened to me. I stopped desperately seeking jobs, just started meeting cool people. Now I have four incredible opportunities - government venture fund, CFO position, engineering firm. I’m not stressed about any single one.”
[The energy in the room completely shifted when he said this. From conceptual to visceral understanding...]
The Metaphysics of Desperation
Here’s what’s actually happening when you desperately want something:
You create what Vadim Zeland calls “excess potential” - an energetic imbalance that nature must correct. Think of it like a magnet. The more charge you create, the more resistance builds.
My friend asked the perfect question: “So you’re saying if it’s already in my heart, the universe put it there because it can give it to me?”
Yes. Exactly.
The things you truly desire - not the ones society programmed into you, but the real soul-level wants - are already yours. You’re just having to move through physical reality to uncover them.
But when you grasp...
My 8-Month Experiment in Failure
“Let me tell you about my year of unemployment,” I said.
Eight months. No income. Savings hemorrhaging. Three months of capital left, maybe four if I lived on rice.
I was applying everywhere with the fervor of a drowning man. Knowledge Network. BC Government. Tech companies. Using pendulum divination, desperately seeking divine guidance.
The silence was deafening.
[Even retelling this story, I could feel the ghost of that desperation in my chest...]
“I was creating such an excess importance field,” I explained. “It was like an energetic warning sign preceding me into every opportunity: ‘DESPERATE HUMAN APPROACHING. MAINTAIN DISTANCE.’”
Then I read Reality Transurfing. Specifically, the chapter on excess importance.
The solution? Keep your options open.
The Power Move That Changed Everything
Instead of focusing all my energy on one potential contract ($150/hour that wasn’t closing), I went out and found more options. Not because I wanted them as much, but simply to distribute the importance.
Within two weeks of releasing that desperate grip:
The first company signed
Then another at $100/hour
Then another at $250/hour
Three startup founders reached out (without me applying)
My friend Jacques leaned forward: “So you’re saying having multiple options reduces the importance of any single one?”
“Even if you don’t want the others as much,” I confirmed. “It’s psychological spaciousness.”
The Plot Twist Nobody Expects
“Now,” I said, “let me tell you what happened in my relationship.”
The room leaned in. This was fresh, unreleased material.
“I was putting her on a pedestal. Fantasy projections, future dreams, the whole fairy tale. My excess importance was so intense it triggered her avoidant attachment patterns. My anxious grasping literally pushed her away energetically.”
We broke up.
“But here’s the thing - I didn’t try to ‘let go’ as a strategy to get her back. I actually cleared my heart and mind. Complete release. No hidden agenda.”
She came back.
“And now I’m empty - not hollow, but spacious. And that emptiness has created room for us to actually be together. No pedestals, no fantasy, just two humans choosing each other in reality.”
[The vulnerability in sharing this felt like free-falling, but the recognition in my friends’ eyes said it landed...]
When Visualization Backfires
Jacques brought up research he’d found: “Visualization where you imagine already having what you want actually reduces goal achievement. It kills motivation.”
“That assumes motivation equals success,” I countered. “I’m not highly motivated. Things just... happen.”
This sparked a heated but loving debate about intention versus motivation.
The consensus we reached: It’s not about motivation. It’s about clear intention without desperate charge.
Like coffee.
The Golden Wave
“Let me tell you about the golden wave,” I said, moving toward the evening’s culmination.
“Have you ever had a period where everything just flowed? Every date perfect, every opportunity opening, synchronicities everywhere?”
Everyone had experienced this at least once.
“That’s what Reality Transurfing calls the golden wave. It’s not random. It has a metaphysical quality you can learn to recognize and sustain.”
My friend asked: “How?”
“By maintaining emotional coherence. Not forcing yourself up or down, but finding that sweet spot where you can balance. Like surfing - you’re riding the wave of your emotional state through the astral realm.”
The advanced practice? Recognizing that every emotion that would knock you off the board is actually a choice at some deep level. When you see the choice, you can unmake it.
[Someone literally gasped when I said this. That moment when a concept becomes possibility...]
The Experiment Protocol
“Don’t believe any of this,” I said firmly. “Don’t take it on faith. Run your own experiment.”
Here’s the protocol we developed together:
Week 1: The Importance Audit
Pick one area where you’re desperate (job, relationship, goal)
Rate the importance 1-10 (7+ is excess)
Notice body tension when thinking about it
Week 2: Create Options
Add 2-3 alternatives (even if less desired)
Apply to multiple jobs
Date multiple people (ethically)
Pursue parallel paths
Week 3: The Coffee Shop Practice
Approach your desire like getting coffee
“I intend this” not “I NEED this”
If blocked, simply pivot to alternatives
Week 4: Document Everything
Synchronicities appearing
Anxiety levels dropping
Opportunities emerging
Response from others
“But what if I really do want that specific thing more?” someone asked.
“You can prefer it,” I said. “Just don’t need it. There’s a massive energetic difference.”
The Breakthrough Question
Near the end, someone asked the question that unlocked everything:
“How do you know if what you want is realistic?”
“It doesn’t have to be realistic. But if it’s truly in your heart - not programmed by society, not borrowed from others, but genuinely yours - then it’s already there in your energetic template. You’re just moving through physical reality to uncover it.”
The room sat with this for a moment.
“I’m never going to be a professional basketball player,” someone added.
“But do you actually want that?”
“No.”
“There it is. You won’t deeply want something you can’t have. The real desires, the soul-level ones, those are possible. They’re already yours. You just have to stop pushing them away with excess importance.”
Your Turn: The 30-Day Challenge
Right now, identify one area where you’re placing excess importance. Just one.
Rate it 1-10.
If it’s above 7, you’re in excess importance territory.
This week, create two additional options. Not to replace your desire, but to distribute the importance.
Approach it like coffee. Intend, don’t grasp.
Document what happens.
Then share your results. Because that’s what H3 is about - real experiments, real results, real transformation.
[Looking at my friends’ faces as we closed the evening, I saw the same thing in each of them - recognition. Not of new information, but of something they’d always known but never articulated...]
The Ultimate Secret
You get what you want when you stop needing it.
Not as a manipulation tactic.
Not as reverse psychology.
Not because the universe is testing you.
But because need creates resistance in the fabric of reality itself.
My friend who found four opportunities without trying? Golden wave.
My relationship that returned when I truly let go? Golden wave.
My contracts that manifested after releasing desperation? Golden wave.
The coffee you’ll get tomorrow without any drama?
That’s the frequency.
That’s the wave.
Learn to surf it, and reality stops being something that happens to you and becomes something that flows through you.
Don’t believe me.
Run the experiment.
Document everything.
Then come back and tell us what happened.
Because in my buddy’s living room with twelve friends seeking truth, magic isn’t supernatural - it’s just physics we’re beginning to understand.
Keep bending light and hacking minds,
Cian
P.S. - To my H3 family reading this: Thank you for creating the container where these insights could emerge. Same time next month? I’ll bring the coffee. ☕🌊