Fasting into Freedom: A 7-Day Journey Through the Void
December 29, 2024 - Day 1: The Decision
You know those moments when several different threads of your life suddenly weave themselves into an obvious pattern? That's what happened over the last 48 hours, leading to what might be the most significant fast I've ever undertaken.
Let me back up and share how we got here, because holy shit, the universe has been dropping breadcrumbs that I'm only now seeing clearly.
The Threads That Led Here
It started with a dream about gates and hungry ghosts (more on that in a moment), followed by a holotropic breathwork session that completely rewired my relationship with food, and culminated in the realization that various forms of consumption - food, digital stimulation, sexual energy - were all pointing to the same pattern.
The dream showed me these mystical gates, each with its own test. The 13th gate specifically involved passing through a "hungry ghost" challenge. For those not familiar with Buddhist cosmology, hungry ghosts (pretas) are beings with huge bellies but tiny throats - eternally hungry but never satisfied. Sound familiar? Yeah, it hit home.
[Just felt a wave of that uncomfortable emptiness I've been sitting with - the one that usually sends me reaching for my phone. Breathing into it instead...]
The Fast Decision
When all these pieces clicked together - the dream, the breathwork insights, the subtle energy patterns I've been noticing - it became crystal clear: I needed to empty the cup completely. Not just food, but all forms of consumption that I've been using to avoid certain feelings or states.
So here's the plan:
Day 1-2: My newly crafted vegan "bone" broth (mushrooms and seaweed working their magic)
Day 3-7: Water only
Digital fasting as much as possible
Complete sexual abstinence
Intensive meditation practice including tummo and vajrasattva
Historical Context: Fasting at the Gates
This kind of intensive practice period isn't new. In the Buddhist tradition, particularly around the transition between the 5th and 6th bhūmis, practitioners often undergo periods of intense purification. It's like the system needs to clear out old patterns before it can fully embody the next level of realization.
The texts describe these transitional periods as particularly potent because they involve what's called "upādāna-khandha" - the aggregates of clinging. At the 5th bhūmi, practitioners begin to see through the subtle ways consciousness creates and maintains desire patterns. Fasting isn't just about food - it's about encountering the basic mechanism of grasping itself.
[Thunder rolls in the distance as I write this. The universe has perfect timing with its sound effects...]
Historically, practitioners would often undertake these intensive periods of purification in caves or remote locations. I'm sitting here in my Vancouver apartment, but the principle remains the same - creating a container where all the usual patterns of consumption and distraction are temporarily suspended.
[Just caught myself reaching for my phone out of habit. The discomfort is real, folks. But so is the clarity that comes from sitting with it...]
The texts describe this transition as particularly crucial because it's where subtle forms of grasping (upādāna) are finally seen through and released. It's not just about giving up things - it's about understanding the very nature of grasping itself.
Current Status: Day 0 Insights
I'm noticing something fascinating already - there's this definite drop in mood between interactions with friends, this subtle discomfort that usually triggers me to seek some form of stimulation or escape. Instead of running from it, I'm diving straight into it, asking "What is this feeling really?"
No answers yet, just sitting with it, watching the energy move and dissipate. The mind keeps trying to spin up comforting identity stories, but I'm staying with the raw sensation instead. It's uncomfortable as hell, but also strangely liberating.
The Technical Prep
For those interested in the practical side, this fast requires more preparation than just clearing the fridge. Here's the full setup:
The Vegan Bone Broth Evolution
After years of making traditional bone broth, I've developed a plant-based alternative that actually captures the deep nourishment of the original:
Base: Roasted mushrooms (especially reishi and shiitake) for that umami depth
Minerals: Kombu and wakame seaweed for the oceanic minerals
Collagen Support: Added bamboo silica and vitamin C rich foods to support natural collagen production
Healing Herbs: Astragalus, calendula, and marshmallow root for gut support
Aromatics: The usual suspects - garlic, ginger, leeks
Physical Space Prep
Sold my steaks to my buddy Johnny (thanks man!)
Stocked up on tempeh for post-fast protein
Set up my meditation space for extended sessions
Cleared my calendar as much as possible
Organized my supplements for the transition back
Energetic Preparation
I've set up specific practice times:
4:30 AM: Tummo and three-channel breathing
Dawn: Main meditation session
Dusk: Vajrasattva practice
Random moments: Whatever insight practice calls
[Just caught myself planning too much. Sometimes preparation can be another form of control. Breathing. Letting go.]
The Energetic Landscape
[The air in my apartment just got thick like honey. These energy shifts are getting more noticeable...]
Here's what's fascinating about this stage of practice - the energetic patterns become increasingly visible. The texts describe this as "direct perception of the nāḍīs" (subtle energy channels). When you combine fasting with intensive practice, these patterns come into sharp relief.
What I'm noticing:
Waves of subtle anxiety between social interactions
Energy trying to move up the central channel but hitting blocks
A peculiar "thickness" in the throat center (perhaps related to the hungry ghost theme?)
Spontaneous kriyas (energy movements) during meditation
Increased sensitivity to others' energy fields, even through digital interaction
The Path Ahead
This isn't my first fasting rodeo - my longest was 10 days on water - but this one feels different. The physical part is actually the easy bit now (body's so clean I don't even get detox symptoms anymore). It's the emotional and energetic aspects that feel most significant this time.
I'm particularly interested in watching how the subtle body responds to the complete cessation of normal consumption patterns. In the Buddhist tradition, this kind of practice period often reveals what they call "the gaps between thoughts" - those spaces where our habitual patterns usually insert themselves before we can notice them.
I'll be journaling throughout this process, sharing insights and experiences as they arise. For anyone who's walked this path or is curious about it, feel free to follow along. Just don't expect me to respond quickly - I'm trying to stay off social media as much as possible during this period.
A Note on Timing
The transition from 2024 to 2025 feels like the perfect container for this work. There's something powerful about aligning personal transformation with these collective transition points in time.
[Another wave of that empty feeling just hit. Breathing. Being. Letting it move through...]
To everyone out there wrestling with their own patterns of consumption and desire: You're not alone. Maybe we can't all do seven-day fasts, but we can all get curious about what we're really hungry for.
Will keep updating as insights arise. For now, I'm going to sit with this discomfort and see what it has to teach me.
Into the void we go, Cian
P.S. Drop a 💧 in the comments if you've ever used fasting as a tool for spiritual insight. Would love to hear your experiences (when I'm back online properly).
P.P.S. The hungry ghost dream feels even more significant now. Amazing how the unconscious knows what we need before we do.
Your picture is an indomitable Warrior/King
You have inspired me to do this. Over indulgence and exploring my shadow side has been a theme and this feels like the next step 🙏 thank you