Encountering Trauma
A Journey of Self-Purification
Hey everyone! Today, I want to share a personal story. It’s quite raw and heavy, but it's an integral part of my journey in understanding trauma and healing. Buckle up because this might delve into some deep spaces, but trust me, it’s all in the spirit of growth and self-discovery. 😊
The Night a 'Demon' Visited
You know when you wake up abruptly in the middle of the night with a jolt, and for a moment, reality seems to blur? Well, let’s rewind to my intense experience of this. It was about 4:00 AM, and I was suddenly awake, feeling a tight grip on my shoulders. My first thought? "Is this a demon?!" I know it sounds straight out of a horror movie, but the sensation was chilling, so real and palpable. I felt small, almost childlike, and this presence felt overwhelmingly large. As you can imagine, my immediate fear was through the roof. But then, something in me shifted. Could this be a part of me? A forgotten memory or a repressed experience coming up for purification? I decided to face this head-on.
Uncovering the Shadows: The 3-2-1 Process
This incident led me right into Ken Wilber's 3-2-1 Shadow Process. Wilber is the brain behind Integral Theory, which essentially integrates all forms of human knowledge and experience into one coherent framework. It’s fascinating! The 3-2-1 technique involves addressing shadow parts by first acknowledging them in the third person, then second, and ultimately the first person. Face it, talk to it, be it. Easy to recall, right?
First off, I depersonalized the experience by thinking of it in the third person—like it was happening to someone else. Next, I shifted to second person—acknowledging it was happening to me. Finally, the most transformative part, I took full ownership by accepting that it was part of my own consciousness. I realized that this ‘demon’ was actually a fragment of my own psyche trying to communicate with me. This shift in perception was nothing short of a breakthrough. Imagine confronting a terrifying experience and understanding it's a misplaced piece of your inner world.
The Role of Somatic Memories and Trauma Resonance
In this moment of confrontation, the physical sensations I felt were somatic memories, essentially touch memories from a past trauma. Somatic memories can be just as potent as visual ones, sometimes even more so. Instead of seeing or hearing the event, I felt it through my body. This tactile memory unlocked a lot for me. Through continued work, I uncovered that this traumatic event occurred when I was very young, during sleep, which explained why it was so deeply buried.
Further working with these memories, I noticed profound changes. Within months, my physical and emotional landscapes began to shift. I moved away from problematic attachments, including a detachment from certain types of relationships and behaviors that were no longer serving me. Here’s the interesting part: trauma often resonates at particular frequencies, attracting similar frequencies in others. Think hermetics, if you will—vibration, frequency, and resonance are at play here.
I became more sensitive to these frequencies in others. Walking down the street, I'd sense the vibrations of others' trauma just by observing their physicality—how they moved, how their bodies were shaped by their experiences. This isn’t just woo-woo stuff; it’s grounded in studies. A canadian university conducted a study in 2009 on individuals with psychopathic traits. These individuals could pick out victims susceptible to manipulation just by looking at videos of them. It’s all in the resonance, the frequency one emanates.
The Power of Retreats and Plant Ceremonies
So, why do such intense experiences tend to emerge during meditation retreats or when using psychedelics? These tools and practices have a unique way of softening the ego's hold over us. Our egos create a narrative or story about who we are, and this story often filters out information that doesn't fit within its storyline—a phenomenon known as confirmation bias. When we enter deep states of meditation, use plant medicines, or engage in other consciousness-expanding practices, we temporarily dissolve these narratives, allowing repressed memories and emotions to surface.
For instance, my experience occurred during about the third or fourth day of a silent Zen retreat. By day three, the constant silence and introspection had begun to erode my usual defenses. Without the usual noise and distractions, my mind was left to roam, and, in this softened state, old, unresolved traumas started bubbling up. Practices like holotropic breathwork, ayahuasca ceremonies, or even simpler forms of mindfulness meditation all work towards this same goal—dissolving the ego's tight grip, allowing us to access deeper layers of our psyche.
This newfound awareness became somewhat of a superpower for me, allowing me to navigate my world with keener intuition. I could sense emotional wounds and traumas in others and use this insight in my practice to help clients overcome their obstacles. The healing tools I discovered during my journey, like meditation and somatic experiencing, became invaluable. Meditation, for instance, is a master tool for ego dissolution, fostering rational thinking, and emotional well-being. It helps in calming the mind and enhancing memory and clarity, which are crucial when dealing with trauma.
Through processes like Ken Wilber’s 3-2-1, I realized that self-compassion and mindfulness are pivotal in healing trauma. A trauma-informed approach, whether it's through therapy, plant ceremonies, or even giving yourself extra sleep, can significantly affect recovery. It’s about creating a safe space within and around ourselves, which acts as a catalyst for memory recovery.
Understanding trauma isn't just about revisiting painful events; it's about reclaiming your power. It’s about facing that "inner demon" and integrating that lost part of yourself. The road to healing is ongoing. I don’t claim to have reached the "end," but I now approach life with a greater sense of control and peace. Each memory I unlock, each trauma I process, bolsters my strength and clarity.
So here I am, sharing this with you, hoping it resonates on some level. Trauma can purify us, giving our pain meaning and beauty, transforming our lives in unimaginable ways. If my story connects with you, I encourage you to explore your own trauma with compassion, mindfulness, and the 3-2-1 Shadow Process. Let’s keep showing up for ourselves and each other.
Final Thoughts
In closing, I want to emphasize the importance of community and shared experiences. Sharing our journeys through trauma not only helps us heal but also enables others to feel seen, heard, and validated in their own struggles. Let's continue to build a supportive network where we can grow, learn, and evolve together. Thank you for being a part of this journey and for allowing me to share mine.
Remember, the path to healing is unique to each of us, and it's perfectly okay to take it one step at a time. Here's to embracing our pasts, finding peace in the present, and moving forward with resilience and hope.
Keep shining, keep sharing, and keep growing. 💫
Have you had experiences that have challenged your perceptions and led to profound personal growth? Or maybe you've tried some of the techniques I mentioned. Let’s connect—leave a comment or shoot me a message. We’re all in this together. 💖
Thank you for letting me share my story. Here’s to continuing our journeys, embracing our pasts, and evolving into our fullest selves. 🌟