My Dad wrote me this email, and I responded. Ten of Balloons.
neighborhood where they lived with their Mother and step Father. The river was
nearby, and I passed by large homes with spacious yards. There, I saw a driveway
to a home not visible, for the trees, and noticed a sign surrounded by blue and
purple balloons. Happy 50th Birthday, was scribed on it.I remember
ruminating that this somehow represented a successful man and that this was a
milestone, a banner year, in which to celebrate his honestly earned
accomplishments. All his creative efforts and loving marriage, had culminated in
this day of happy celebration; so I posited in that birthday sign surrounded by
ballons.Yet, who knows how this life really was. No doubt, happiness,
fleeting, visited, as it does with us all. But who can keep this happiness
inside walls of brick and wood? Who is capable of this herculean task, this
blood, sweat and tears, to hold fast to this ephemereal experience of secure joy
and triumph; marked, as it were, by a sign surrounded by balloons.
Even
the balloon, stretched and firm, soon releases it’s inspired life to the wind;
spent and flaccid! Is this not so with happiness, too? Rising and falling like
waves in a sea; sometimes, clear and calm, sometimes, a broiling tempest where
wave upon wave in endless cascades, roils too and fro, and only the gray and
somber clouds of the sky seamlessly blended with the sea, are seen.
Yet,
there are lives, sifting through time in their happy persuits, I imagine. Simply
living out each day in a magical bubble of certainty and faith. Hearts pure and
innocent, established in the community; plain lives with real smiles untormented
by fears and worries. Just lives, holding hands, crossing busy streets of vice
and temptation, to bountious gardens of virtues happy wholeness. Like playful
children with joyful abandon and natural grace, generous with smiles, and kind.
Happiness, then! Is it time well spent? I see in that yard a wizened old
man, slumped in his lawn chair, deep in a just slumber. His childrens children
play with abandon all around the great yard, where bountious gardens bear their
fall fruits. The remains of a festive feast, lay on the table, while birds song
twitter in the crispness of a sunny day. His dog lay by his side in simple easy
obedience. His wholesomely beautiful wife looks on the happy scene from the
kitchen window with a gracious smile of contented gratitude. A sleepy joy is
here… as seen in the Tarot card, the Ten of Pentacles, above, from the Rider
Waite Deck.
The other day, walking by another affluent neighborhood, I
saw a sign, marred and weathered by some days gone by. Surrounded by deflated
balloons, wrinkled and blowing in the wind, unceremoniously. Written, obviously
with hurried strokes, was, ‘Everything must go, Moving and Divorce sale! Saturdy
and Sunday only’! My Dad wrote.
My Response:
gentleman’s life – it looked so rosy in that instant of time and space – from
the outside. But upon further investigation, another slice of time and space
more of the story is told. Perhaps that’s why he was sleeping. My feeling
about this story is that he has been contemplating this Divorce for a long time,
not wanting to make a rash decision – look at all he has to lose! But coming
into your 50th bday can awaken something inside of you. Something that tells
you life is too short to be just good enough, too short to ‘tolerate’. You must
always be happy inside for yourself – this may sound selfish, but how can you
make other’s happy if you yourself are not?
knowledge – and perhaps the last 20-30 years have been less exciting than the
first 20-30. I must wonder to myself why that is. Have I only been living this
dream that has been sold to me through TV, magazines and newspapers? I have the
perfect house, great kids, and a beautiful wife. Why am I not happy? Why does
life not excite me anymore? Everyone says it’s cause I’m getting old and
crochety, but should I just buy into that without at least trying to become
happy again? Labels Labels Labels – take the fire out of eveything. Crochety,
“mid-life-crisis”, all designed by society to put these thoughts away without
action. For what would happen if everyone started trying to be happy after
building a life such as mine? Perhaps our society would crumble – perhaps those
that are in power now would no longer be. Perhaps there would be the birth of a
new society. For what happens if everyone finally sheds their illusions and
trys to do something fun, instead of just contributing to the existing
consumerism model? Maybe this is why relativly benign drugs like pot that are
easy to maintain on your own are illegal – it removes the need/will to
contribute in a person. The person will start thinking outside their illusory
box and find that no – there’s more to life than that new car. It is
unfortunate that I am only discovering this now, after 30 years of living with
this mature mind. However – I still got another 50+ to go, so I’m not going to
waste it. I’m going to live for myself for a while, until I find my own
happiness.”
My Dad wrote me this email, and I responded.
3 replies to "My Dad wrote me this email, and I responded"
I would say that the stereotype of the divorce is actually the one that is more prominent these days, as it is actually more common.
For me, personally, this vision described by your Dad reminds me of my Dad and my Mom, and all of their grandchildren playing in the yard after a big meal. They do live that vision, and it is rare. Though it may not be everyone’s ideal of happy, it is happy for them, with no under-lieing discontent whatsoever.
When I was a kid I thought all families were like mine. It wasn’t really until I left home and truly looked at other people with grown-up eyes that I saw that what my parents have is not common at all. Lisa and I used to talk about how we were the only other people we know, who’s parents weren’t divorced or on the verge of seperation and how uncommon “common” actually is.
Different visions of happiness for all. I would personally like to see a world, where everyone can live out their choices, free of judgement from either side. Whether it be with multiple lovers and twists/turns in their life, or with being with just one person who completes them w/ a handful of kids.
It’s funny Cian, that you and I are both happy people in our lives and relate to one another and understand the other. Yet our paths couldn’t be more different. I look at your situation and am open and accepting of all your decisions, and I know you feel the same way when you look at me. What a wonderful world we live in that this can be.
For myself, I don’t belive that my parents live in the illusions of an existing consumerism model. They’re joy is through a sincere love and appreciation for one another, and happiness through the smiles and successes of their children and their grand-children. They don’t try to tell us how to live our lives, but only convey to us what works for them. Coincidentally, their life feels like a utopia to me, and I will ease towards achieving that vision for myself. When I walk into their home, there is a warmth and feeling of security that surrounds me. This is something I would like to build for my future children, one day.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we must keep an open mind when looking at other people. That it is not necessarily one way or the other, but their way, whatever it may be. There is no right or wrong… but those who make the choices in their life that make them happy, will be happy so long as they’re are making the choices for themselves.
I’ve been typing too long now. Time to finish packing. I’m off for Ottawa at 12 tomorrow. I’m afraid I’ve run out of time and I don’t know when I will have time to see you again.
Love you lots Cian! Congratulations in making those happy decisions!
Thank you for that point – I believe that it drives what I was trying to say home. Everyone must be stong enough to make the though decisions, else they will not be happy. Some people are lucky. Most are not – however my point was that people must learn not to ‘settle’ for ‘good enough’. Life is too short for ‘good enough’. Everyone would eventually find that person that makes them ultimatly happy to no end, with no reservations. Some people find that the first time and live happily ever after. However, statistics dictate that the only way MOST people would find that is by not ‘settling’ for ‘good enough’. For, when you’re out there, looking around, and you do find ‘good enough’, how are you supposed to find ‘perfect’ when you’ve stopped looking? I came to this realization recently when I was coaching a friend of mine in how to deal with a girlfriend who didn’t like him smoking pot.
This is the real problem in all this. Almost eveyone I know settles – just cause sex is better than no sex. This then builds love out of familiarity, love which is doomed from the start. When you’re weak like this, it will take you years, perhaps even decades to admit to yourself that you made a mistake. By then, it may be too late. If everyone were honest with themselves, then they would be able to go out looking for the right choice.
However most people are not honest with themselves – at least not with a voice that they listen to very often. The only way I could see around this, to ensure the resolution of this massive problem our society faces, would be to disassociate sex with love. Yeah – easier said than done, and not without negative consequences….however, just purley for argument’s sake, consider what that could do:
You can go up to anyone and ask them for “7 hours of pleasure” (thanks Heinlein) without being charged for harrasment, or nevouse of being shut down or looked at funny. Of course they are always free to say no. Just as you are if someone asks you – just need to remove all the “charged” emotions surrounding an action such as that.
Now you’re need for sexual pleasure is taken care of. But you have another need – love. You can continue dating people, until you find someone who you really like hanging around with. No need to be worried about moving onto someone else, as you know you can always get sex just by asking around. So when you are with a person who you realize is not for you, you politely bow out. Continue on with the game.
Of course, this will never work…the way we’re trained from childhood associates sex with love….it’s engrained in us. Perhaps for good reason – as there’s a lotta disease out there.
But what if this were possible some day? What if we could increase the chances of most people having a happy life-long relationship? I think it would be worth it…there’s just a lotta pre-requisites.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Beer in one hand – Chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming “WOO HOO, What a Ride!”.
Many worries I have caused you over the years, I wish you nothing but the best for the remainder.
Much love Jerry,