{"id":2449,"date":"2021-02-22T15:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-02-22T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/?p=2449"},"modified":"2021-02-10T17:17:33","modified_gmt":"2021-02-10T17:17:33","slug":"this-is-my-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/2021\/02\/22\/this-is-my-story\/","title":{"rendered":"THIS IS MY STORY- MindHacking myself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>This is my story.<\/strong> And I&#8217;m going to have to go back a little bit; actually way back.&nbsp; I started off life rather poor. Even as the eldest child, I was wearing hand me downs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We also moved around quite a lot. Growing up, it was rather difficult to find, groups of friends to engage with because I kept having to remake friends all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Bullying?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image is-style-default\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"275\" height=\"183\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/images.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2453\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>As I grew more and more, just started noticing the way that kids picked on me quite a lot. I remember so clearly as I went from school to school or city to city that I always thought:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>&#8220;Maybe this time, they won&#8217;t know&#8230; You know? Maybe this time something will be different. But no matter where I went there was, and they always knew somehow.&nbsp;&#8220;<\/p><cite>-Young Cian Kenshin being bullied (This is my story)<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">New identity or coping mechanism?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image is-style-default\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"225\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/images-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2454\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/images-1.jpg 225w, https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/images-1-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/images-1-80x80.jpg 80w, https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/images-1-220x220.jpg 220w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><figcaption>Multiple MEs (This is my story)<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Eventually, I started to realize that this was all something to do with me&#8230;so I&nbsp; started to play with creating a new identity, I started to put on a bit of a suit and this started actually working really well. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I stopped getting bullied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And, I ended up getting groups of friends, hanging out with people and, you know, learning to socialize with this identity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Peaking? Or savagely faking it?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>University and Business. <\/strong>I started my first business <strong>when I was 21<\/strong> and here the suit keeps getting refined. It actually really made me quite successful. I had every opportunity and I took every opportunity. Every goal I set, I hit, I think by the time I was 27, I was making six figures and I had already started a few businesses. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>I was running a modelling agency<\/li><li>Had a real estate portfolio<\/li><li>Running a multi-million dollar stock market training company<\/li><li>I was going to all sorts of parties, business functions<\/li><li>And, I was actually drinking quite a lot<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">F*cked up success standards?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>And you know, I thought it was having with the time of my life, by every measurement that had been taught by society of what is a success:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Steak dinners<\/li><li>Suits<\/li><li>Fancy car<\/li><li>Fancy house<\/li><li>Girls (so many&#8230;.)<\/li><li>Promotions&#8230;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>&#8220;I got my MBA paid for by my company&#8221;<\/p><cite>Masked-up Cian Kenshin peaking in society (My Story)<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>And, you know what? Still, something was missing every time I ticked that box. Every time<strong> I&nbsp; got there<\/strong>, every time I got that <strong>promotion<\/strong>, every time I got that <strong>new house<\/strong>&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Oh,&nbsp;what&#8217;s next?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>For every Hill I climb, there was another Hill just out of reach. I&nbsp; captured momentary happiness, and then I&#8217;m like: Oh, now <strong>I&#8217;ll be happy when&nbsp; I get there<\/strong>&#8230;. Now <strong>I&#8217;ll be happy when I get there<\/strong>&#8230;..I started to see through the illusion just a little bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s when it all came to a real focus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One day, I&nbsp; went to the doctor, and they told me I had obstructive sleep apnea (like..I could die any night), then I&#8217;m like: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Oh, wow! How do I deal with that? Like, losing some weight?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>He was like<\/strong>: &#8211; &#8220;No, no, no, you&#8217;re not particularly overweight. So you just need to buy this machine. And you know,&nbsp; you just sleep with that for the rest of your life.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>I completely rejected his version of reality. In my head I was like &#8220;uh, no that&#8217;s not how this life is going to go&#8221;<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was like 240 pounds; I don&#8217;t know if you can tell I lost a little bit of weight (now 180 pounds), (from seeing old vs new pictures of me on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.instagram.com\/zenmindhacker\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">social media<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Live life like a dog on a leash? Or, do better?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I rejected that fully and completely. I actually bought the machine and I slept with it for a night.&nbsp; And I&#8217;m like; <strong>NO<\/strong>, that&#8217;s <strong>NOT<\/strong>, how this life is going. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>So what did I do?<\/strong> Well,&nbsp; I had been <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/reality-hacking-and-meditation-podcast\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">meditating<\/a> since I was a child, but not often. When I grew up, my parents were&nbsp;Buddhists, and when I was a teenager I kinda rejected that, like most teens. I just meditated when I&nbsp;needed to relieve some stress or needed to really like focus on something. <strong>It wasn&#8217;t a practice. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">My meditation journey!<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I remember, shortly after that episode with the doctor, I read a book called <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/-\/es\/Dzogchen-Ponlop\/dp\/1590309294\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Rebel Buddha<\/a>. It shifted things for me. I was like, yes, yes, this is what I need to do. I started meditating every day, <strong>10 minutes a day<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And little by little, I just started to really see this kind of cycle of desire, that started to really come into focus. What else started to come out as I meditated? It was this identity that&nbsp;I had created, that I was holding in front of me, <strong>the suit.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button is-style-outline\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-black-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-background-color has-text-color has-background\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/free-meditation-signup\/\" style=\"border-radius:3px\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Download my FREE Guided Meditation NOW!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Mental energy to maintain an identity<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I realized how much mental energy I was using for this identity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He (that Cian), he was a little different with different groups of people. I don&#8217;t know if any of you have experience with this, but he has a different personality with <strong>friends<\/strong>, <strong>co-workers<\/strong> and <strong>in his home<\/strong> and never shall the streams cross. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yeah. So as a <strong>Manager<\/strong>, I started getting this insight of; Wow, I&#8217;m really spending a lot of time thinking about what I&#8217;m going to say, how I&#8217;m going to behave, how I&#8217;m going to act maintaining this same suit.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">So, what happens if I drop it?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>I dropped it and immediately I just stopped drinking.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I wasn&#8217;t even trying to stop, but I stopped going to all these business functions because a lot of the conversations now appeared to be just going around&#8230; And around&#8230; And, <strong>everyone is just talking about themselves and nothing&#8217;s really happening<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I started to change and really dove into meditation. I have to just give thanks to my teacher, <strong>Darlene<\/strong>. She&#8217;s been a blessing in, uh, guiding me on this journey. What I found out is; this is the important part, this is beyond this cycle of desire and attainment&#8230; That I stepped out of. <strong>That real happiness started to come just from being instead of pursuing<\/strong>. This dropping of this identity and tearing off of this suit, freed up so much mental energy, freed up so much space.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">There&#8217;s room now! Thank you<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Now there&#8217;s room for creativity, there&#8217;s room for presence, spontaneity. So, <strong>no longer are things being manufactured<\/strong>. I&#8217;m no longer thinking about; what am I? What am I going to try and get from this person that I&#8217;m meeting? You know&#8230; What&#8217;s my agenda? Now I just go and discover what IS, instead of trying to make something of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;m just going to show up and see what happens, you know, and that seems to be where life happens. So, if any of you are struggling with this affliction, I have to say give mediation training a shot. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Thank&nbsp;you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cian Kenshin<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-style-rounded\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"440\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/MCH_MH-Banners-08-1024x440.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2451\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/MCH_MH-Banners-08.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/MCH_MH-Banners-08-300x129.png 300w, https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/MCH_MH-Banners-08-768x330.png 768w, https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/MCH_MH-Banners-08-1536x660.png 1536w, https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/MCH_MH-Banners-08-2048x881.png 2048w, https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/MCH_MH-Banners-08-585x252.png 585w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><figcaption>THIS IS MY STORY<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button is-style-outline\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-black-color has-vivid-cyan-blue-background-color has-text-color has-background\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mindhacker.com\/free-meditation-signup\/\" style=\"border-radius:3px\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Download my FREE Guided Meditation NOW!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This is my story. And I&#8217;m going to have to go back a little bit; actually way back.&nbsp; I started off life rather poor. Even as the eldest child, I was wearing hand me downs. We also moved around quite a lot. Growing up, it was rather difficult to find, groups of friends to engage [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2450,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[11,685,687,149,671,638,686,688,689,690,684,683],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>THIS IS MY STORY- MindHacking myself - mindhacker<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This is my story. And I&#039;m going to have to go back a little bit... Actually, way back. So I started off life rather poor. 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