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When we grow up our parents have many of them. Expectations begin to shape our lives right from an early age. If we’re boys, we play with robots, guns, etc. Girls, must stay clean, play with dolls, dress in pink. Please don’t mistake me – I don’t ascribe to any of these things, and you may not either. However, we’ve all been EXPOSED to them. As we grow up those expectations change, they transform into getting a girl/boyfriend (or not getting one), going to university or college. Then towards taking over the family business, or some other measurement of growing up, and becoming successful that our parents have for us.
Whether you grew up rich or not, you’ve been exposed to expectations. If you did grow up rich or are still growing up in a privileged family perhaps you resonate with this experience. It feels like your life isn’t your own, and that it’s all been planned out for you right until the day you die.
Growing Up is Hard
Man, growing up is hard. As kids, we have no autonomy, even though it seems like we are at the height of our creativity in life. Only now we are truly setting up systems in society to unleash the creative genius that exists in our children. Now, with the internet, advanced forms of digital education and the formation/distribution of ideas is the first time in history that kids can become free of the shackles of a pre-ordained life by society and their parents. Now, with something as simple as an iPad, computer, or whatever, and enough alone time a kid can transform the world. I’ve seen countless examples of this from leading social change like Greta Thunberg, to Azza Abdel Hamid Faiad who developed a method for converting plastics into biofuel.
Definition of Success
The definition of success is changing, and it may even appear that old benchmarks like college, university, or even a J.o.b are not necessarily the right ones anymore. And yet, the older generation is slow to change and may be impacting the opportunities that are available to their kids even with the best of intentions. Why wait until you’re 30 to change the world? Why not now?
This kind of rebellious thought is very dangerous, so be warned before watching the rest of the video! You might end up, dare I say it, creating disappointment in your parents… At least that is until they can one day finally see what brilliance you were up to.
Be a Rebel – The Real Challenge
The real challenge with being a rebel is not necessarily one of gaining permission. In fact, most of us truly have all the freedom we need in order to pursue our dreams – especially if we are privileged. The power our parents have over us is one of a much more subtle nature, and it’s one that I myself had to break free from later in life. Yes, even as an adult, my parents both had a subtle psychological control over the decisions I made. It wasn’t even anything so strong as telling me what to do or not to do. It revealed itself only when I finally woke up to it…and then realized it had gone on for a long time.
The mechanism that is used exists in the realm of emotion. It plays on desires, and fears, much in the same way marketing does. For example, if you all of the sudden decided you wanted to move to another city, or go to a college that your parents didn’t approve of – they might decide to put their foot down and say no. But that would create conflict, and possibly just push you away more. Instead, they might decide to (unconsciously) dig up articles about how dangerous the city is, or how difficult that college is to get a job from. It’s all very subtle, and very very effective.
Why is it effective?
Because they know you better than you know yourself. They should – they programmed you! So all your fears, desires, and such come in a large part from them. Yes – society and TV and such help, but the parents, man you’re in it with them. This is also the source of “generational trauma”. Not only do your parents program their trauma into you by behaving the way they do, but they also program their desires and fears into you – simply by being who they are.
They say in spirituality and business that you become the sum total of the 5 people you hang out with the most. And that’s DURING ADULTHOOD when you already have a healthy functioning ego which can accept and reject information. When you’re under the age of 7, that ability to accept and reject information simply isn’t developed. You are largely a walking subconscious. And that means, hanging out with your parents – you pick them up. Yes genetics / epigenetics helps. And. The monkey see monkey do thing is a thing.
How do we move past this?
There’s a number of methods that can be used to bring awareness to these patterns that govern our behaviour. The first I recommend is meditation. Really. It’s not a panacea, however, it is the foundation for most other tools. Awareness is the cure-all, and without meditation, awareness doesn’t grow. Also, there’s a saying in the Zen lineage I’m part of “for every year of daily meditation, you gain 1 second between trigger and response”. Each second is an eternity when you consider how fast you can drop into anger, fear, lust, or any other emotion that hijacks your true desire.
The second part is actually inspecting, and discovering what it is that YOU really want to do, either at this moment or in this life. Again, meditation can be useful for this, in this case, an analytical meditation would be great. Get into that meditative state (if you don’t know how – check out my other videos and articles on this in the description). Once there, you simply bring focus to your heart. Feel grateful for this heart and all the work it does for you. Even while you’re deep in dreamless sleep it beats on keeping you alive. Here.
Then you simply ask it. What is my true desire? Ask out loud, so the vibrations of your question can be felt in every cell of your body. You’re asking them all to vote, and bring the answer to you. You will be surprised at how the answer comes. Either a vision, or a memory, or sound. Something will come. Even an impulse to write something down from that state is great. Let it flow out of you, through you. Now, you know. Now you have an idea of what it is you truly want to do. And, now you know what your inner child truly desires. You can do this as many times as you like.
Get into Action
The third part is where the rubber hits the road. Now we turn thought into action. There are two parts to this. The first part is to stay in a meditative state and ensure you have a journal or notebook nearby. Again, drop into your heart and ask – “Showmen when I allow my true desires to be overridden by others”. Again, you will be surprised at how quickly this can come.
Give it time, but if it’s not forthcoming, simply ask again, maybe modifying the question a bit in a way you choose. Once you have the answer, start getting curious about the situation that comes up. How is it like other situations? Do you see the thread, the method that is being used to make you give up on your desires? Do you see the freedom, in knowing what it is you truly want and that you can actually have it? Did you know that you can disagree?
Finally, write down that situation. Use as much detail as you can, then distill it down to a simple statement that you can fit into a post-it note. Something that’s easy to remember, that reminds you of how it is that you’re giving up your ability to pursue your dreams. Once you’ve written it down, make a commitment to yourself to notice when this happens again. At this point you don’t need to expect that you can simply change it – even if you feel you can at the moment you may find it difficult.
Becoming a REBEL LEADER
Next time you notice that situation coming up if you do notice at the moment – great! See if you can change your behaviour. Don’t feel bad if you cannot, you’re dealing with programming that has been in place for many years now. It can take time to lock into it, and then change it. Simply celebrate the fact that you are now aware of it. Honour yourself for noticing – EVEN if it’s after the fact. This is a SKILL, and you CAN get better at it. Simply be happy with any little bit of progress you make, in the path to emotional mastery, and becoming a REBEL LEADER in your own life and purpose!
Connect – Emotional Mastery is the Answer
Connect with your inner child often. Use the heart meditation to build this connection. Discover what it is you truly want in life. Bring awareness to the places in life where you are allowing the desires of others to push your own truth and purpose away. And finally, pursue the path of the Rebel Leader, get skillful at saying what you want, and moving towards it!
How have you noticed this showing up in your life? What are the methods that your parents, bosses, or anyone else in power over you using? How are emotions running your life? What would be different for you if they were not? Whats the biggest challenge you have today that this might help you with?
If you loved this, just imagine how much value you’ll get from my Integrated Leader MasterClass. We dive deep into the emotions of modern-day business, and I give you a step-by-step system to make you the master.
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