Ground Control to Major Tom. I feel that I need to ground myself a little. I’ve been burning so hot and bright that flying too near the sun is now a good possibility, and must stop before I burn out. Now I’m not talking about doing too much drugs or anything – it’s mostly my thoughs/feelings that have run away…I am no longer in control of where they are taking me. I belvieve that it’s all part and parcel of the same problem – however it’s only become apparent to me recently. My thoughts often shadow my feelings – this has always helped me not to anger quickly, or to forgive even quicker. But I find myself wanting to feel more and more – and finding myself feeling more and more.
At the same time it feels like I’m losing control over myself.
I don’t know which is better – more feelings and less control, or more control and less feelings. I know I know – eveyone is going to say “you must find a balance, son”.
But is there anything there worth exploring, and is balance even possible in this case?
I’m saying things that I feel and later analyze them and they don’t make any logical sense – but they still feel right. How am I going to resolve this internal conflict without detroying my”self”?
I think perhaps I will need to meditate on this. I’ve found that that is the one space that I can merge thoughts and feelings – only after you clear both out though. Man, I haven’t meditated in over a year. Perhaps this is what I need.
Ground Control to Major Tom…
7 replies to "Ground Control to Major Tom… Without destroying myself."
Our entire universe is one big mathamatical code that is waayyyyyy to complex for us to anylyse and control. I think that is why instinct, or women’s intuition exists. there are some things that you cannot calculate completely, and trying to do so is whay will burn you out. Though while I say the code is way to much to control, you can still control how you folw in the current of the code, which is not nearly as stressful. Be like water. It flows where ever it can, and eventually breaks the rock that blocks its way. Hope this helps
Who was this…Rob? Garry? I see it’s from Red River College, but…
Anyways – yeah I understand I gotta relax. That’s mostly the point of writing all this stuff. So I can get what’s in my head out – it allows me to see things from a different perspective.
Thanks
Welcome to the last year of my life. Indeed if your thoughts shadow your feeling than our lives, so entwined, do as well. As I seek firm reins upon myself you begin you journey away from rational control. Be warned, inherent to this journey is much risk as there is with all passionate pursuits. The rewards however will bring you closer to your true desires which will reflect you greatest hungers. Look deep into that hunger and find what has left you malnourished.
I know who that is, it simply must be parallax!
It is through dynamics(change), and at the edges that we really learn the most. This applies as much to people as everything else.
The hell with balance right now, if you feel things are changing embrace it with passion. Take it all the way to see where it goes.
Climb mountains, swallow the sun and feel the burning energy in your belly.
There will be planty of time for ballance after the apex, when you’ve come back down and really understand yourself and others, to do it properly.
But until then, voro sol et lucescere.
note – I really need to learn how to conjugate in latin.
If you don’t go within, you go without!